Love, Actually: Building Healthy Ethical Non-Monogamous Relationships This Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day tends to center one version of love: romantic, monogamous, coupled, and often pretty heteronormative. For many LGBTQ+ folks — especially those practicing ethical non-monogamy (ENM), polyamory, or open relationships — that narrow narrative can feel alienating or just… incomplete.

The truth is, there are many healthy ways to love. Ethical non-monogamy isn’t about avoiding commitment or emotional depth. When done thoughtfully, it’s about more honesty, more communication, and more intention — values that sit at the heart of strong relationships of any structure.

So what does healthy ethical non-monogamy actually look like?

First, it starts with clarity and consent. Everyone involved deserves to know what they’re opting into — emotionally, physically, and relationally. That means explicit conversations about boundaries, expectations, and needs, not assumptions or vague agreements that leave room for resentment later.

Second, healthy ENM requires ongoing communication, not a “set it and forget it” approach. Feelings shift. Life changes. Jealousy can show up even in deeply secure relationships — and that doesn’t mean anyone is doing it wrong. It means it’s time to check in, adjust agreements, and practice emotional accountability.

Third, there’s a need for self-awareness and self-compassion. Many LGBTQ+ people already navigate layers of social stigma, family stress, or past relationship wounds. Ethical non-monogamy can bring those things to the surface. Having support to unpack internalized shame, attachment patterns, or conflict avoidance can make the difference between surviving and thriving.

Finally, healthy ENM is rooted in values, not just logistics. It’s less about who can date whom and more about how you show up: with integrity, care, and respect for yourself and others.

If Valentine’s Day brings up questions — about your relationship structure, communication struggles, jealousy, or whether ENM is right for you — you don’t have to figure it out alone. Therapy can be a space to explore these conversations without judgment, especially with a clinician who understands LGBTQ+ identities and diverse relationship styles.

At Resonance Columbus, we work with individuals, couples, and partners across the spectrum of ethical non-monogamy. Whether you’re new to ENM, navigating a transition, or wanting to strengthen existing relationships, therapy can help you build connections that feel authentic, grounded, and sustainable.

This Valentine’s Day, love doesn’t have to fit into a box. It just has to be honest.